


Useless

by NeverForgetStarkiller



Series: Gingerpilot Holiday 2018 [7]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Dementors, Hogwarts AU, Hux is angsty and won't ask for help, Not really suicidal thoughts but kind of so tread carefully, Short, Snoke and Brendol are terrible people, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-01 19:59:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17250437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeverForgetStarkiller/pseuds/NeverForgetStarkiller
Summary: Day 7:  Break from the Holiday Cheer - Angst/Hurt/Comfort DayThings didn't go as Snoke had planned. He sends Hux to fetch Kylo Ren from the Forbidden Forest, but the Dementors get there first.





	Useless

Hux stared into the trees and took a few deep breaths. Just the pause to breathe made his wrist burn, but the Vow didn’t leave a mark. It was in his mind.

He held his wand out, twisting his head left and right with each chill he felt. He wasn’t sure which ones were real and which were in his imagination. _Ren,_ he thought and hoped that, somehow, he’d get an answer. Shouting out for him would be dangerous. Breathing felt dangerous.

A branch snapped, and Hux turned to face the direction the sound had come from, pointing his wand into the darkness. _A unicorn_ , he thought. It could be a unicorn. Or Ren. _Or a centaur. A werewolf. An acromantula._ He clenched his jaw and waited, but when nothing moved, he started walking again, slower.

The forest loomed over him, and Hux wanted to turn back. He couldn’t.

“Finn!” called a voice in the woods. “Rey!”

Hux tightened his hold on the wand. So that was what had kept Ren. He couldn’t quite convince himself that was true, but he hoped it was. He’d rather face a few foolish classmates than the dementors.

Poe Dameron jumped up on a fallen tree and shouted for his friends again. The moment Hux saw him, a chill stung the air, and Hux swallowed. This idiot was going to attract everything in the Forbidden Forest right to them. Worse, he was going to get the attention of the dementors.

“ _Silencio,”_ Hux said, keeping his wand trained on the boy. Poe blinked and turned, seeing Hux, but Hux kept walking. The air was getting colder, and Hux could feel the edges of his own panic grasping to take over his focus. Ahead, leaves crunched with the weight of footfalls, and Hux stepped closer to a tree. The Gryffindor girl ran by, dragging Finn with the help of the groundskeeper. Hux stayed quiet as they passed, then headed the way they’d come from.

As he’d suspected, he didn’t have to travel far before he found Ren, lying on the ground, bleeding from several open wounds, his cloak nowhere to be seen, his face about a foot from a dementor’s.

Hux’s heart stopped. “Ren!” Whether it was the shout or just his presence that drew the dementors’ attention, Hux wasn’t sure. He was only aware that several were moving toward him, now. He stood still, frozen by the overwhelming realization that he was nothing.

Beyond the trees, Hux’s father was shrieking. Indecipherable words, but the words didn’t matter because they all blended together. _Useless._ Hux shook and clasped his wrist. A woman screamed; it was cold, so cold. “ _Expecto Patronum_ ,” fell from his lips, but no memory came forth. Not the kind of memory the charm needed to work. Hux didn’t have any memory like that. Just darkness. Cold. Screaming.

If the dementor didn’t touch him, it felt as though it had -- tendrils of ice against his skin. Something stirred in the air, sapping out his fears. The sounds that had haunted him faded away. He was alone. So alone in the darkness that no one would ever find him again. No one would shriek at him. No one would touch him.

               

When Hux woke up, he wasn’t alone. He was lying on the ground by the lake with Poe Dameron peering down at him. “Hey, there,” Poe said. His voice was soft, gentle, and Hux didn’t know why until he tried to scowl and felt the telltale spots of dryness on his face – tearstains.

Hux could imagine what his father would say. “Ren,” Hux said. He sat up; his limbs were heavy. Hux moved his hand to his wrist and rubbed it.

“He’s alright,” said Poe. “Wouldn’t have been if we’d gotten there a minute later. You both would’ve been in big trouble.”

“What happened?”

“I found Rey and Finn. Rey went back with me to check on you guys, since I saw you moving through the forest. Rey’s got a strong Patronus. With both of us there, we took care of the dementors.”

Saved by Poe Dameron. What would his father do with that?

Poe reached a hand to Hux’s shoulder. “You’re alright, now.”

Hux flinched and jerked away from the touch. “Mind your own business in the future, _Gryffindor._ ”

“Excuse me? I just saved your life.”

“Dementors don’t kill people,” snapped Hux. He was shaking: Hux wasn’t sure if he’d stopped shaking since he’d seen the dementors.

“You’re right. It’s _worse_ than death,” said Poe. He crossed his arms. “You still might be expelled, with what you and your friends were up to. You’re lucky I didn’t take you straight to the Headmistress and tell her everything.”

Poe Dameron was right. Hux was lucky to be alive, lucky that he wasn’t already back home, expelled by the school. But, even if he wasn’t expelled, it was almost time for the holidays, and he’d be back home to spend several weeks with his father, Kylo Ren, and Snoke.

Hux didn’t feel lucky. He felt scared.

Scared because he’d failed. He hadn’t broken the Vow, or he’d be dead. Ren was fine, and it seemed Hux had given his best effort to save him, after all. But, Hux hadn’t brought Ren back unscathed, either. Some Gryffindors had saved them both.

Scared because he’d be home soon, and Ren would blame the whole situation on him. And, Hux’s father would defend him in front of Snoke, but, behind closed doors, he’d blame Hux, too. He’d be furious.

Scared because the last thing Hux could clearly remember was peace. It was a thought more terrifying than the rest. The Dementor’s Kiss would have promised an endless nothing, and Hux knew he didn’t want that. He wanted to do more with his life, accomplish something no other wizard before him had.

He didn’t want to lose himself. But, in that moment, he’d yearned for it. He could still feel that yearning, now. A dull sense of disappointment upon waking up.

“You’re lucky I didn’t do worse than silence you when I saw you in the forest,” said Hux because he didn’t know how to tell this stranger, this enemy, that he needed help.


End file.
